I have had what many times has felt like people pillaging my thoughts, ideas, and insights…where others have taken credit for ideas that were mine, for work that I have done, or for insights I have shared with them in conversation. There is always a part of me that feels very cheated by this, but worse – that feels violated because of it. Mainly because I would not do this to them. Usually it has been people who claim to be friends, which is even more hurtful.
I like to believe that there will come a day, a time, an hour – when this will be righted. Where I do not have to feel badly, but also where an “avenging angel” will make right the wrong. Some may call it karma, or the Law of Cause and Effect, and that is fine. I would just like to call it justice. The righting of wrongs. I guess there are times when I have thought I don’t even need to know if it was “repaid in kind” I would just like to feel that the part of me that was violated, can be healed – or that it will be.
When you go through something like this, whether it is your ideas or your physical anything, that violation, makes you feel ashamed, but also, it is hard to trust others again. Once bitten, twice shy – is true. I find that I have to be more careful, and I don’t like that – there is a part of me that feels that all people are inherently good, and that we just lose our way now and again, so I look for ways to believe in that goodness once more. I find things that are good in the world, in people, in life. I search my thoughts and memories for things that are uplifting and that make me focus on the positive. Honestly, there are times when it is hard, because of the pain, or anger, or shame – but when that subsides, I am taken with how easy it can be to find goodness and good things.
I hope for you, that when things happen that may in your life, to you, or around you – that you can find that goodness and be uplifted by it, rather than brought down by the tragic things that pillage you or your mind and heart. I hope that your “avenging angel” brings you healing and upliftment when you need it, like a shoulder to lean on, or cry on, a hand to hold – some Kleenex, with a laugh and a smile with your good friends or loved ones. I’m sure you have a beautiful smile too.
Here’s to upliftment over pain, and to pillage – no more.
Copyright © 2017 Kim Orlowski. All Rights Reserved.